I live somewhere where I actually would have expected to see at least one of these a little sooner. Though, if I’m being honest, I don’t go out as often as all that. But still! I haven’t given them a lot of thought, bc they are so not my thing. But I knew what they looked like well enough to be sure I’d finally seen one. Well, I saw one for the first time last week and as these things tend to go: proceed to see one every single day for the next four days. At least three different ones, one might have been a repeat…

Woof. For an irl vehicle that is. I wouldn’t mind a video game vehicle that looked like that so much. Like if they made Total Recall (the real one) into a game, I could see something that looks like that fitting in. And that’s because, it looks like a fucking video game vehicle. It looks like what you would get if you asked an 8-12 year old boy to conceive of a “cool” “futuristic” truck for a sci-fi video game. I’m calling back to Total Recall. Now… giving credit where it’s due, I’ll say that it does look little more refined than a vehicle you would have seen in Total Recall, but the style is a bang on match.

PLUS! The worst part… The first one I saw it was clearly wrapped. You see that a lot where I’m from so it wasn’t something I thought too much about. When my partner came home and I said that I’d finally seen one in the wild we convo’d a bit and he said that most ppl are wrapping them bc the stainless steel… well, it’s not remotely stainless. Which I of course later confirmed as the last one I saw was in the nude and I got to see it super close up and all I could see on the thing were giant greezy hand prints all over it. That is so not the look.

Sooooo… someone or several someones at Tesla said: You know what would be cool? Let’s make a truck that looks like it came straight out of a super dated sci-fi classic, something that’ll really tickle the 8-12 set! Oh, and hey! Let’s make it entirely out of stainless steel that, in fact, does nothing but fucking stain. We can charge a fortune for it! Everyone wins.

footnote!

Total Recall (the original!) is an excellent good time. It has what is unequivocally Arnie’s all time best one liner in it. If you haven’t seen it already, you really should. I refer to it as dated not as an insult, but as a bald faced fact. All of the 80’s sci-fi movies have that look that doesn’t hold up. But they give the best nostalgia vibes if you’re the right age.

Also, not trying to slam the remake, I’ve actually never seen it. I will, sometime, but I think I can fairly predict that it won’t be better than the original.